Monday, 10 November 2008

• All this is for....me?

  As long as you have a personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get through into identification with God's interests. [...] When I stop telling God what I want, He can catch me up for what He wants without let or hindrance. He can crumple me up or exalt me, He can do anything He chooses. He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Himself and in His goodness.
  ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
  
  This caught me off guard today. It seems counter-intuitive to not focus on how I can build my character or to leave behind my ambitions. But upon closer examination, it does make sense. In fact, by focusing on how to build my character, I am making it harder to grow. By striving to achieve my own ambitions, I am taking the long route (which may never reach its destination).
  
  God doesn't want me to leave myself behind so that I can fail. He wants my selfish desires to die so that I can grow and so that I can achieve those ambitions which will bring Him glory (and give me fulfillment far beyond any other ambitions which would not do so). He wants me to die so that I may live.
  
  That's great, but it doesn't seem very applicable (at least not when it is worded in that way). So what does this mean to me? How does (or should, anyway) this change my daily life? Well, for starters, I can evaluate how much I actually think about myself, my desires, my needs. I'm tired. I wish I had internet at home. How can I make more money? I feel miserable today. These thoughts flood my mind almost every moment of every day. I can't imagine what my thoughts would look like if I thought about what God wants for me as often as I thought about what I want for me.
  
  I think this gets back to the "run the earth, watch the sky" mindset. Being eternity-minded. As long as I am focusing on this life, my desires seem to be very important. But when I focus on eternity, I realize how small I am in the big picture. And I begin to understand that the best way for me to "make my mark" is to let God use me. I need to be more conscious in my effort to bring glory to God in all that I do.
  
  I guess I should start by getting back to work. >.<

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